I smell stomach acid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
