Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
