Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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