don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
