we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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