Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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