Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
