Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
