i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
