Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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