take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
