I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
