I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize