This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
