How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
