just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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