well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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