he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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