I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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