i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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