??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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