I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
babies were throwing up all over the place
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
