i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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