Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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