im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
