Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
