I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
