You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
