you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
