I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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