My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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