grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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