You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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