She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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