I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
