I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
