So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
