I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
