Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
