I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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