I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
