oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
