The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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