Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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