We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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