So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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