dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
