how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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