What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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