i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
