He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
