It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
