eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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