just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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