captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize