Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
