And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
