just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
