it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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