3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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