fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If I had your ass I would rule the world
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
