Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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