Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
