You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
