Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
only you would photoshop your dick
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
