he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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