omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Randomize
