dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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