I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
