idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
