your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
