We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
