Sponge bath it is.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
