ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
